Lying in any relationship always leads to trust issues, but they can be resolved if you take the necessary steps to regain your partner’s trust. If you truly want to repair the harm you caused, here are nine ways to reestablish trust in your relationship after lying.
1) Evaluate the Situation
Before you can fully restore your trust in your partner, you must first understand how and why lying occurred in your relationship. Was it for a legitimate reason, such as work? Was it more likely the result of laziness or immaturity?
Once you have a better understanding of what’s going on, consider whether you even want to fix things. If you value honesty, now is the time to reflect: Are there any ways you may be unintentionally contributing to (or even encouraging) lying?
Is it possible to manage honesty more effectively in the future? Whatever decision is made, sitting down and having an open discussion about honesty will most likely help build trust in the future.
2) Accept What Has Happened
Regaining your trust requires honesty. Don’t beat around the bush or try to spin your lies into something else; simply admit you made a mistake and accept the consequences.
It will be difficult, but it is necessary if your relationship is to survive. A heartfelt apology can also help things move forward; don’t just give lip service—get out there and make as many amends as you can.
3) Express regret
The first step is to accept responsibility for your actions and apologize for whatever you did. You don’t have to make excuses or explain what happened; all you have to do is accept full responsibility for your actions and sincerely apologize. Don’t let past transgressions get in the way of your relationship; instead, learn from them.
4) Beg forgiveness.
A heartfelt apology is meaningless unless it is accompanied by a sincere effort to make things right. If at all possible, ask your partner how they would like to see things improved—and then put their ideas into action!
Be as specific as possible about how you intend to change so that your partner knows these aren’t just flimsy attempts to make amends.
4) Explain in detail what happened.
Without going into detail, let’s just say you screwed up and lied to your significant other. Don’t apologize for lying, but make sure they understand what you did and why. Also, after doing something wrong, confess as soon as possible.
The longer you put off admitting what happened and apologizing for hurting them, the worse things will get. Sure, wait until they’re no longer angry before saying anything—but don’t wait too long or they might never forgive you. And if your relationship doesn’t survive that breach of trust, it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Now go forth and make amends!
5) Know When to Apologize
Knowing when to say “I’m sorry” is critical, but only apologizing once can actually harm your chances of regaining trust. Researchers at Michigan State University discovered that when couples were in trouble and forced to apologize for a mistake, those who apologized once were less likely to be forgiven than those who apologized twice.
Furthermore, those who apologized again were more likely to be forgiven. In other words, never assume you’ve made amends after apologizing.
Before you consider yourself guilt-free, make sure your partner understands your transgression and that you intend not to repeat it—by being extra attentive, surprising with an apology gift, or doing anything else that reinforces what went wrong before.
6) Do Everything Possible to Improve Things
It can be difficult to regain trust after lying. However, there are still things you can do. If you lie about something and then immediately confess your lie, your partner or friend may be more willing to forgive you.
For example, if you say you lost their favorite watch at work but later realize you accidentally left it at home, admitting it right away increases the likelihood that they will believe what else you say and not question everything else they may ask.
Being honest with yourself and learning how to deal with your emotions will also help—no there’s point in lying about something if it’s going to cause you or someone else unnecessary pain.
7) Make an effort not to lie again (or at least make a concerted effort!)
According to experts, building trust requires at least 50% honesty. Don’t just tell your partner you won’t lie again; demonstrate that you can be trusted. Consider all of your lies and do everything you can to make amends with those people.
For example, if you lied about who was to blame for a minor squabble between you and a friend, apologize to them directly the next time you see them. And do your best not to tell any more lies.
It will not only help to rebuild trust, but it will also be an effective way to stop yourself from doing something bad, such as lying, eating junk food, or drinking too much coffee!
8) Instead of waiting for forgiveness, ask for it.
When you lie to someone and cause harm in your relationship, that person may never trust you again. The best way to compensate for lying is not to wait for that person’s trust to return; instead, go above and beyond before they even consider trusting you again.
For example, every night when your significant other gets home from work, bring them flowers and a handwritten note expressing your gratitude.
9) Work on Yourself to Avoid Relying on Lying as a Coping Mechanism.
Despite how difficult it may be, try to work on yourself so that you don’t have to rely on lying as a coping mechanism. Be open to receiving assistance and support from someone who knows what they’re doing.
It will be difficult, but trust me, it will be worthwhile. A solid foundation of trust is something that should never be taken for granted. If your partner isn’t willing to stick by you through difficult times, perhaps they weren’t meant to be in your life.
If you find yourself deviating from your better judgment because someone does not appear to be interested or invested, move on before you invest too much time in them.
CONCLUSION
It may appear impossible to regain your partner’s trust if you are currently working on it. It can be difficult when you know they will no longer trust you and want nothing more than for you to leave. However, if you love your partner and want them back in your life, there are steps you can take to earn their trust. Implementing these 9 suggestions will assist you in rebuilding your relationship with your significant other!