You may believe you understand what dating a narcissist entails, but you really don’t until you’ve been there. While some changes in your behavior and personality may be subtle at first, others will gradually creep up on you, leaving you wondering why they are happening and how they got so bad so fast. These are just a few of the ways that dating a narcissist alters your personality.
You might feel alone.
It’s lonely to date a narcissist because you’re dating an empty shell of a person. Narcissists’ treatment of their partners can make those relationships feel isolating and unfulfilling.
When your partner is uninterested in what you think or uninterested in sharing experiences with you, there is no room for closeness or intimacy.
If we define loneliness as a sad or uncomfortable feeling caused by a lack of companionship, support, or meaningful relationships, it’s easy to see how someone who is consistently selfish and detached can cause loneliness in his or her partner.
You might have misplaced identity.
If you’ve ever spent time with a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed that he or she does the majority of the talking, if not all of it. As much as we hate to admit it, narcissists aren’t always good listeners.
While we can usually rely on our friends and family members to give us advice and share their opinions, narcissistic people talk to you with only one person in mind: themselves.
Though some people are naturally more talkative than others, there is no reason for one person in your life to dominate all conversations; however, if your partner dominates all discussions, not just some of them, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.
You Can Develop Excessive Paranoia
It’s normal to feel like you’re constantly being watched, judged, and criticized when dating a narcissist. You may end up giving more than you can afford to give in an effort to change who you are and give your significant other what they want.
In some cases, your fears are realized to be correct—your narcissist is acting exactly as they promised. In other cases, they may be attempting to manipulate or control you by convincing you that their threats are true.
Once again, there is only one way to know for certain. Stay tuned to see if things improve or deteriorate over time.
You Handle Grief Better
The most unexpected change that can result from dating a narcissist is an increase in your ability to deal with grief. After all, if you’re attracted to someone with NPD, you’ve probably had to deal with their prolonged bouts of negative emotions.
Whether it’s anger, resentment, or feeling insulted, those with a narcissistic personality disorder frequently take these feelings out on others — which means you’ll have learned how to cope with someone else’s grief long before your time together ends.
You will feel as if you are trapped.
Although dating a narcissist may appear to be fun and exciting at first, it quickly becomes an emotional prison. You may not realize what’s going on at first because they can be so charming and complimentary in public. When they have you alone, however, they become verbally or emotionally abusive in subtle ways.
This is a part of their manipulation process; it allows them to control how others perceive them and who criticizes them. People will begin to regard them as perfect, including you! And, while there may be warning signs along the way, it is usually too late for many people… When people are trapped in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, they frequently blame themselves for their actions.
You will question your own reality.
When you’re dating a narcissist, everything can seem to be your fault. They are always correct, and if they are not, it is an illusion designed to deceive you. They will undermine your self-esteem in any way they can and then blame you for not standing up for yourself.
They have no desire to help others because they believe no one is worth the effort. They never give you what you want; they only give you enough to keep them interested.
Even after the relationship is over, you begin to self-sabotage.
Even after they’ve left your life, these people can still exert control and influence over you, whether you realize it or not.
They want you to never fully recover and move on from them, so they haunt your thoughts—sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes through triggering behavior that causes feelings of confusion, depression, or anxiety.
If you ever feel like something is preventing you from moving on with your life after a breakup or divorce with one of these people in your past, consider whether any of their behaviors were similar to what is described below.
If this is the case, schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery and can help you gain clarity about what’s going on inside you.
You could regain your self-esteem.
You may feel discouraged and sad after leaving a relationship with a narcissist, but it’s important to remember that these feelings are completely normal.
However, after dealing with an emotional manipulator for so long, you may begin to question whether your self-doubt is justified. After all, you’ve been told many times before—by your ex-partner—that you’re worthless, and now you’re wondering if he/she was right all along.
It’s natural to have some lingering doubt; however, any time spent doubting yourself is time lost that could have been spent bettering yourself.
You could set more firm personal boundaries.
Many people who have dated a narcissist will tell you that one of the most important lessons they learned was to love and respect themselves more.
Dating someone who is narcissistic—or, better yet, in love with themselves—can teach you to be more confident and to value yourself more.
Recognizing that narcissists do not feel or care about emotions such as compassion and empathy can assist us in breaking down these emotional barriers. When we’re on our own shoulders, no one can beat us up!
You could learn to be more compassionate.
It’s an old adage that we can’t truly love someone unless we’ve first loved ourselves. The same is true for compassion—the ability to empathize with and understand the feelings of others.
Relationships with narcissists can assist us in doing so, whether we realize it at first. When you’re around someone who unconditionally loves themselves, it’s easy to doubt your own worth or believe you’ll never be good enough in some aspect of your life because their standards are so high.
But as long as you stick to what works for you and refuse to compromise on important issues, believing in yourself becomes easier after spending time with a narcissist; they bring out the best in you by demonstrating what unconditional love looks like from one person to another.
You might get better at detecting “red flags.”
Even though people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are self-absorbed, they can appear quite sensitive at first.
They must be needed, and your new partner will most likely compliment you on a regular basis and be interested in what makes you tick. However, if your relationship becomes codependent, which it almost certainly will, your once-sensitive partner will become increasingly callous as he or she seeks validation elsewhere.
To cut a long story short? Narcissists can soften your heart simply by making you care more about others!
You may experience more mental or physical discomfort.
Living with a narcissist can be mentally and physically damaging, leading to depression or anxiety. If you don’t feel like yourself, it’s time to check in with yourself and make sure everything is fine.
If something is bothering you, don’t be afraid to talk to someone close to you. When it comes to mental health, there is no shame in seeking help and support!
You might think of kindness as a business transaction.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic or has NPD, they’re unlikely to be sympathetic to your needs. In fact, they may be quite manipulative, if not abusive.
While you are unlikely to die as a result of your partner’s manipulation, it may have an impact on your mental and physical health. Carrying around extra stress, anger, and sadness can lead to depression and contribute to illnesses such as high blood pressure and heart problems.
Speaking from personal experience, my narcissism frequently left me feeling depleted — there’s nothing more draining than feeling like everything in your life revolves around someone who doesn’t care about you.
You could spend your entire savings on your partner.
According to some studies, up to 37% of adults spend all of their extra money on their significant other. When you’re dating a narcissist, you may feel so special that you want to shower them with gifts.
The problem is that narcissists do not see these expensive items (or romantic gestures) as expressions of love, but rather as proof that they are more important than anyone else in your life. If you suspect your partner is narcissistic, try to limit your spending to avoid heartbreak.
To avoid arguments, you might walk on eggshells.
Dating someone with narcissistic tendencies can be difficult. Narcissists have poor relationships with everyone because they have difficulty seeing others as individuals with their own perspectives.
Although you may not realize it at first, dating a narcissist will most likely change your behavior toward them—at least for a while.
For example, if your partner is prone to jealousy, you may find yourself walking on eggshells around them to avoid these outbursts.
If your partner is prone to emotional abuse, you may want to avoid upsetting or hurting their feelings in order to avoid angry outbursts and nasty put-downs.
You may prioritize your partner’s needs over your own If you’ve recently ended a relationship with a narcissist, you’re likely to be shell-shocked. Your ex-partner may have made you believe that everything was your fault and that you were solely responsible for their actions. This means that it may take some time for you to recover psychologically from the relationship and develop a more resilient outlook on life. In other words, you may continue to blame yourself for circumstances beyond your control until you can rebuild yourself.
You might feel cheated.
People are used by narcissists for their own gain, and they tend to discard them when they are no longer useful to them. Even if you manage to stay with your partner, he or she may continue to manipulate you for more attention by saying things like If I can’t have you, then no one else can. A narcissist is only concerned with his or her own interests and is unconcerned about yours.
When dating a narcissist, it’s important not to take anything they say personally because it could be pure manipulation. If your partner says something hurtful or spiteful and then blames it on something else, it is most likely due to that reason.
You may find it difficult to say “no.”
When you date someone with narcissistic tendencies, it’s common to feel like your boundaries are constantly being violated. A narcissist is unlikely to say no when they truly mean it; instead, they will gently let you down.
The end result? Inability to advocate for yourself without feeling guilty or concerned about jeopardizing your relationship.
You may be feeling insecure in your relationship.
After a while of being involved with a narcissist, you may begin to feel more insecure about your own actions. Narcissists frequently instill self-doubt in their partners by constantly putting them down or making it appear that they are not good enough.
When you’re with someone who is constantly condescending and belittling toward you, it’s difficult not to wonder if there’s something wrong with your own thoughts or opinions. Being around a narcissist can cause you to question whether you have an overactive ego and, as a result, attract people like them.
If your partner constantly criticizes everything from your appearance to what appears on your credit report, chances are they’ll make you question your own identity as well.
You may hold yourself responsible for everything.
Everything seems to revolve around a narcissist when you’re in love with them. They make certain that you understand how much you mean to them and that it is entirely your fault when things go wrong.
In reality, they lack empathy and true understanding of others; their behavior is always directed solely at themselves.
You may constantly doubt yourself.
It’s possible that if you’re involved with a narcissist for even a short time, your self-esteem will suffer. When you’re around someone who constantly talks about themselves and places blame on others, everything from your appearance to your intelligence can be called into question.
When you’re in an abusive relationship with someone like that, you might start to doubt yourself all the time. It’s easy to lose sight of how wonderful you are if you have trouble remembering which qualities are positive and which aren’t because of things said by your partner.
That’s why it’s so important to spend time reconnecting with old friends and family members after ending an unhealthy relationship, so they can remind you how wonderful they think you are.
Conclusion
When dating a narcissist, keep in mind that you are dealing with someone who is completely incapable of empathizing with another person. When they’re done with you, they’ll throw you away without a second thought or consideration for your feelings. A narcissistic relationship is highly toxic.
This may be difficult to believe at first because narcissists can be so charming and attractive, but once the mask is removed, all hell breaks loose. If at all possible, you should avoid being involved in any kind of relationship with one of these people. However, if this occurs, try not to engage with them too deeply—and don’t rely on them for happiness and fulfillment in your life!