You’ve found the person you want to marry, but something feels off. Something’s wrong. If you’re just getting to know someone, it’s hard to tell if they’re a narcissist or have another personality disorder. Instead, look for these signs that they’re self-centered and focused on themselves rather than you.
Entitlement
If your partner feels entitled—like they deserve constant praise, admiration, and special treatment—it may be narcissism. It’s worth considering narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) in people who think they deserve special treatment.
Since NPD sufferers often feel worthless and hate themselves, they can’t truly love others. According to Ben Michaelis, PsyD, author of Should You Leave?: The Dr.
They act busy all the time.
Many feel compelled to post their daily activities on social media. If someone is always busy, it’s likely to show you and others that they’re busy. Don’t get caught up in someone else’s hustle—not it’s about you.
Narcissists want you to know how great life is with them as your partner. Sharing Facebook and Instagram posts can create a perfect world, depending on their mood.
You’re pursued aggressively.
In dating, they immediately pushed to meet your family, saw you more often than planned, and made plans without consulting you. They didn’t accept no because they wanted what they wanted and didn’t care about others’ feelings or needs.
Narcissists are also inflexible, blaming others for their mistakes. Keep your guard up if things don’t work out between you two—it could be tempting when all those old romantic gestures start up again once they have another date.
Self-centered
Narcissists focus on themselves. Selfishness isn’t always a bad thing. In personal relationships, it can cause problems for both parties.
Appreciation and acknowledgement are crucial to a lasting relationship. That’s not possible when dating narcissists.
They need someone to constantly compliment them and tell them how great they are to feel important, even if it’s just selfishness on their part.
They lack compassion.
Narcissists are more likely than non-narcissists to act aggressively when shamed. In one study, narcissistic adults were angry and hostile when reminded of their mortality (Peterson et al., 2008).
Narcissists were also less likely to step in front of a train to save someone from being killed. Thus, high-narcissists don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others or what others think of them.
Everything must be theirs.
Narcissists want control, not new experiences.
If they join your social group, it’s because they want to lead it; if you date them, it’s so they can always be one step ahead of you; and if you start dating a narcissist, you were probably just an accessory.
Narcissists won’t change their behavior if it helps others, even if it hurts them. Always about them.
They’ll blame you or others for issues.
Your narcissist always blames others. Expect nothing from them. They’re right, you’re wrong. They never apologize, even for terrible things.
Even bringing it up can make them feel guilty! Even when they apologize—and most will never truly apologize or change—it will seem like an attempt to regain control.
It won’t be a compassionate apology, but a desire to return to how things were before you brought up the wrongdoing.
They never do wrong.
If your partner keeps arguing, they may be narcissistic. Defending yourself can consume your relationship.
Narcissists must understand how their actions affect others to change, but since they don’t see anything wrong with themselves, it’s hard for them to change.
If you think everything is about them and nothing will change that, it may not be worth trying. No one should shame you for being yourself.
Anger and abuse
Understand that narcissists can emotionally abuse. Their actions are right, not hurtful. Narcissists believe everyone else is wrong and should be put in their place, which can make them appear rageful.
Thinking they are special, perfect, and deserving of the best
All narcissists think they’re better. While some seem humble, their grandiose self-view is evident in every interaction, from condescending words and looks to haughty body language.
They only care about themselves, making you feel unimportant or annoying. If you criticize them or set boundaries, they’ll call you crazy or delusional. When threatened or criticized, they rage.
Manipulation
Narcissists manipulate to get what they want. Narcissists often manipulate others. Narcissists use and lie to get what they want because they are selfish and self-centered. Your partner is lying if he makes excuses and blames others.
They need constant validation.
Needing constant validation from others is a sign of insecurity and a fear of rejection. Insecure people overreact when they think you don’t love them as much as they do.
Of course, even good relationships require some give and take—you can’t spend every moment doting on each other—but it’s worth noting if your partner regularly expects you to make an effort just because they can’t stand being alone.
Do they want to spend their free time with you? They no longer socialize? Do they always need reassurance that you’re getting along?
They exalt themselves.
If you love a narcissist, they’ll make it clear that you’re lucky they even notice you. They are arrogant and upset when their partner doesn’t worship them.
You may feel like you need to walk on eggshells and do everything you can to win their favor. They always seem unhappy and put you down so they can rise above criticism.
Don’t let yourself think everything’s your fault after a while!
They don’t want to commit.
Narcissism may be present if your partner talks more about themselves than you. Narcissists are self-centered and seek approval from others.
They don’t want it back (which explains why narcissists so often fall in love with people who admire them). You’re dating one if they stop caring about their relationship.
They don’t care about your opinions.
Healthy couples care about each other. Narcissists rarely do that. They only care about themselves and may pretend to care about yours to get what they want.
Over time, it can be suffocating to feel like everything is about them. If there are no compromises or attempts to communicate, you may want to reconsider whether you want that person in your life.
They manipulate.
Thus, if you feel like your relationship is on eggshells, it probably is. Narcissists don’t want anyone to interfere with their plans—even you.
They may be picky about how often you see each other or how much attention they get in public. Watch for imbalance.
Their concerns always come first.
Narcissists put themselves first, regardless of the consequences. If you say something they don’t like, they may attack you and blame you for their behavior.
They may publicly shame or degrade your interests. Narcissists always get what they want, even if it means ignoring your needs.
They demand things immediately.
Listening reveals narcissists. Narcissists talk about themselves, their wants, feelings, and beliefs. They rarely inquire about others’ desires.
They rarely listen to others. Instead of asking what you did today? work? Narcissists only talk about themselves, never considering that you may have other issues.
Being in a relationship with an extreme narcissist drains your energy from caring for your own emotions and needs.
They speak inappropriately.
If you’re expecting compliments, adoration, and grand romantic gestures from your partner, you’re probably with a narcissist.
Narcissism can be mistaken for confidence or charm, but there are signs that will reveal the truth. One?
I can never please them! to I don’t really need their opinion on things! are signs of a self-obsessed narcissist who isn’t ready to commit.
Conclusion
Love doesn’t mean compatibility. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be charming, making it hard to spot in a new partner. However, unhealthy behavior can quickly suffocate them.
Even after years of marriage or long-term relationships, narcissists rarely change, so it’s important to recognize red flags and leave. If you suspect your partner has NPD, pay attention to these signs—your self-esteem and peace of mind depend on it! Read on to learn about narcissists and romantic relationships.